I lost you. I lost you for good this time.

chase after the one who uses you, abandoning the one who loves you.

i’m so confused. this has turned into a love rectangle and i am hurting someone while getting hurt at the same time i don’t want any of this i want it all to stop. because seeing the person i’m starting to like makes me feel horrible and if i hang around him any longer i won’t be able to control myself and it’s not right. this is not right but how can one control their feelings. this is not right this is not right NOT RIGHT i’m TERRIFIED things have become so crazy in the past week that all of us are just hurt at this point and although he knows i like him he won’t let me like him because then it’s not right to do that because the person who likes me is his bestfriend and this is fucked. up. and when i see him trying to hug her or kissed her on the cheek when it’s only been 3 days i just. i want to shoot myself because i’m not supposed to feel like this these things aren’t supposed to happen not after half a year no.

no.

no no no. i want to cry. and i want to get away from both of them because JUST NO.

and they KNOW i’m confused and i’m the one who will fuck all of this up i just know it. imma fuck everything up so it’s best if i just get away from them both just leave.

whenever my model friends update their timeline or add a new shoot to their albums my self-esteem depletes a little more =_=

“coming from a working class, art wasn’t a choice. it was a risk.” 

i haven’t learn how to love

finally midnight, im finally 20. but why are you not calling although u knew im waiting. why is he texting me to wait for him to bring a bday gift over and you dont even answer my calls. im sad as fuck and he doesnt know youre the reason. he’s preparing something and he gave me thought and what the fuck did you do. nothing. 

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he texted back

“let’s do whatever it takes.”